


One Thing Is True

by frapandfurious, squire



Series: Big Brothers AU [19]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Flashbacks, Fluff, Foreplay, Friends being protective, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Married Life, Miscommunication, Neck Kissing, Sibling Jealousy, What's After That Is Up To Your Imagination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-17 20:16:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14838479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious, https://archiveofourown.org/users/squire/pseuds/squire
Summary: Over the course of their relationships, some days stand out more than others. When Ben and Hux look back on them, some are happy, some... less so - if only at first sight - but one thing is always true.





	1. 2010 - Spring

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Queen song "These are the days of our lives"
> 
>  
> 
> _Those days are all gone now but_  
>  one thing is true  
> When I look  
> and I find  
> I still love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note for readers perhaps unfamiliar with the rest of the series: Rey and Techie are 10 yo at this point in the storyline, classmates, and considering each other their archenemies. 
> 
> This chapter is set some time after after [Small Forces. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7586278/chapters/17262223)

Rey had muted the ringing of the phone five minutes ago but the continuous vibrating was still heard from her pocket like a faint but relentless buzz, audible even over the murmur of the rest of the class in the cheap diner. Their class outing was about to end, and the teacher decided to take the group of rambunctious and hungry ten year olds for some fast food, mostly to get them off her nerves, before they would get back to the school.

Across from her at the table, Techie, her school archnemesis, stopped munching on his buckwheat cookies he’d brought from home and frowned.

“Who's that? You didn't tell your parents when we're due back?”

Rey stuck out her tongue at him, fished out the phone and once again pressed the red ‘End call’ button. She'd have turned the phone off entirely if she wasn't afraid that Mom or Dad could indeed decide to check on her.

“Of course I did. It's Ben,” she said the first lie that came to her mind. “Probably wants to take me out for ice cream when we arrive,” she added with malicious relish, enjoying the slightly wistful look Techie’s eyes got at the word ice cream.

“ _My_ brother always makes time for me, you know,” she drove in another dig. Techie’s eyes dropped defensively and then shot back up, sharp with suspicion as a fresh idea hit him.

“You have the song from  _ Dirty dancing  _ as the ringing tone for your brother?”

Rey mentally cursed her brother's cheesy romantic streak and shrugged.

“It was a joke. He  _ is  _ a dancer, you know.”

“As opposed to being a  _ fighter,  _ yes, I remember,” Techie snipped triumphantly. Rey’s exaggeration of Ben's qualities back before that fateful encounter in the park still amused him and he brought it up whenever he could.

“Still too good for that  _ lieutenant  _ of a brother of yours,” Rey shot back with as much venom as she could muster over the large bite of fries in her mouth.

“Wanna bet that my brother dumps yours first?” Techie started, freckled cheeks heating and crumbles of his snack scattering all over the table.

“Your pathetic brother?” Rey taunted. “We'll see.”

Inside her pocket, the screen once again lit up with green light, the caller's ID “Hux <3” written in black over it. Damn him and his not taking no for an answer, Rey thought angrily, the taste of fries souring in her mouth. That incessant buzzing was slowly making her feel almost guilty.

Almost. If that obnoxious Hux wanted to date her brother, he'd have to work harder than to have Ben on his beck and call over a phone. 

 

*

 

Hux shot out of the bus before it came fully to a halt, ignoring the angry shout of the driver and only pausing to catch his breath when he came face to face with his reflection on a large glass door, the letters  _ Starkiller  _ flashing in neon above it.

It was a fool's hope that Ben would still be here, over an hour past the time they'd agreed to meet. And maybe worse, Ben could be here, but no longer waiting - the Starkiller bar was fairly popular in the gay community, and on their first date here Hux hadn't missed the obvious looks of appraisal the other patrons were giving Ben. Perhaps Ben had taken up on one of their offers, perhaps that was why he kept dismissing his calls…

Hux smoothed his disheveled hair into a pitiful semblance of order and pushed the door open.

It had taken his eyes, still dazzled by the setting sun outside, a while to make out the faces of people scattered across the bar, some of them hidden in the half-shadows of the small booths. But then he saw him - that sweep of dark hair, that broadness of shoulders unmistakable - sitting hunched at a small table, alone,  _ thank God _ \- and just as he took first step towards him, Ben's face lifted from his dejected slump and his eyes locked across the room with Hux's.

Ben's eyes widened with surprise, his whole face lit up with relief and he began to rise from his chair - but then as if he caught up with himself, he sat back down, folding his arms over his chest and staring at the balled up napkin in front of him, chewing at his bottom lip. When Hux came over and slid into the empty seat opposite Ben in the booth, the stare Ben met him with was angry, stubborn and hurt.

“So it blew up, whatever you had for tonight?” Ben said instead of greeting. “Silver medal looking good, after all?”

“What-” Hux started, confused for a moment, and his voice cracked. His throat was dry from running and he swallowed with difficulty, embarrassingly aware of the flush high on his cheeks that was undoubtedly making him look comical and  _ nothing _ like the his very best he needed to look right now.

And then it hit him, the meaning of Ben’s angry words. Ben thought that Hux… double-booked, or something, and that Ben was only the second choice, that Hux came to meet him only because his other plans didn’t turn out well.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” he finally got to saying, with less preamble and probably with less impact that he wished for. “It’s not - there’s nothing - I just… I honestly apologize. I only remembered we had a date about half an hour ago.”

“You  _ forgot _ ?” Ben sounded incredulous - and something else that Hux couldn’t quite put his finger on. “You forgot you had a date?”

Hux took in Ben’s appearance - the good shirt, not as worn and faded as the other ones, his hair, falling down around his face in soft rich waves that were probably carefully combed still an hour ago and since then lost some of their shine, being repeatedly passed through with frustrated hands. He compared it to his own plain shirt he wore on his afternoons off, his old jeans that were comfy enough for spending long hours sitting at a computer, and winced.

“I had so much work to catch up with,” he tried to explain, staring into his lap. “I think I forgot which day in the week it was...”

Across the table, Ben let out an unexpected laugh. Genuine, not a mocking one, and Hux could barely trust his ears. Warily, he sought out Ben’s eyes, and was met with warm, fond sparks at the bottom of them, framed with little crinkles of a grin.

“And here I thought you simply found something better to do with your time,” Ben said, the  _ something _ in his voice now blooming into obvious, unabashed relief.

“I don’t think there is anything,” Hux chanced a smile.

“And you came running,” Ben wondered, still grinning, brushing a finger against Hux’s cheekbone. Tracing a pattern between his freckles, Hux realized. They always stood up more when he was flushed.

“I thought you’d given up on me,” Hux admitted. “Especially when you kept dismissing my calls.”

Ben’s hand dropped. “Calls?” Then the question marks in his eyes dissolved into realization. “Of course! Of course you’d call me. I’m so sorry, Hux. Rey borrowed my phone for today, her class was going on an all-day trip and she said she wasn’t going to let that ‘snotty Hux boy wave around his phone like he’s the only one who deserves having one’... oh shit. She didn’t pick up when she saw you calling my number?”

“Not even once,” Hux confirmed, taking his turn at overwhelming relief washing over him. “Wait, Rey doesn’t have a phone? My father gave Techie one for his eleventh birthday...”

Ben shrugged, sheepish. “Dad thinks she’s too young to have one. Rey’s been saving up her pocket money but...” he didn’t finish. Hux didn’t press the issue. There was a reason Ben worked two jobs, on and off, and Hux soon learned that flaunting his good social status would do him no good with the Solos.

“I’ll have words with Techie about boasting with his phone,” he said instead.

“And I’ll have words with Rey about sabotaging our future dates,” Ben smiled in return.

_ Our future dates _ . That simple affirmation warmed Hux from inside. They only kissed for the first time on the last one, and Hux already knew he wasn’t about to let this slip between his fingers. Even if he had to make a fool of himself, arriving breathless into a fancy bar in his threadbare clothes and with wind-blown hair.

“I promise I won’t forget, ever again,” he said, squeezing the tips of Ben’s fingers resting on the table.

Ben’s eyes sparkled. “Don’t worry about it. It’d take more than that to get you rid of me.”

 

 


	2. 2010 - Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've realised that over the course of the series, we've written their first kiss, even some flashbacks to their first time - but we never somehow wrote how they first realised they're in love. 
> 
> So this is it.

The words hovered on the tip of Ben’s tongue for weeks now and it’s been increasingly hard not to let them slip out. 

He couldn’t even tell when it started. Looking back, there was no definite point of time, no shining revelation separating the “before” from the “after,” no sudden stop in the streets with his heart racing. The transition was so gradual, so natural that in a way Ben suspected he’d always felt this way, right from the start - it had just gotten stronger with time, the original, easy-to-miss spark slowly growing into a light that was now impossible to overlook. 

It must have been obvious how smitten he was, even for an outsider, and Ben hoped for that and dreaded it in equal measures. Hoped, because it'd have saved him the daunting task of finding the right words, just the perfect words - and dreaded, because  _ what if _ . What if even those most perfect words wouldn't be something Hux ever wanted to hear… 

He wanted to tell him, dreamed of telling him, couldn't wait to tell Hux how deeply, completely,  _ beautifully  _ he was in love with him. And at the same time, he couldn't just say it - no, he knew himself, he was hot-headed and rash and didn't think things through and Hux was none of these things. Hux deserved better. And coming up with something like that now - so soon, they've been seeing each other for barely a few months - it could ruin everything. 

No. It had to be the right moment, and he had to be sure he wasn’t going to spoil it, or that he didn’t misjudge the situation completely. 

“Hey? Planet Earth to Ben?”

Ben startled at the teasing voice right next to his ear, shiver running down his spine at the cool breath caressing the burning shell of his ear. The club they were in was packed and loud, they had to shout into each other’s ears the entire evening. The music was good but now they had enough. Hux went to fetch his jacket and Ben waited for him near the exit, tired from the hot and stuffy air of the club and still thrumming with residual endorphins. They’d spent the evening dancing, Hux’s body snug against his in the crowd. Every point of contact was sending electric sparks through Ben’s nerves and his heart hammered almost painfully in his chest, beating against the urge to wrap himself around this man like second skin, never let go, and shout - shout out loud how much he–

“Let’s go,” Hux grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the exit, with the same single-minded determination that had gotten them through the formidable queue and in here earlier. Ben followed, trying to gather his senses.  _ Not now, idiot _ , he repeated to himself,  _ not after you’d spent the whole night grinding against him like a teenager and you’re dripping with sweat and probably stink- _

“You all right?” Hux turned to him once they were out in the street. The cool air hit Ben like a splash of water in the face, and he closed his prickling eyes and let his head fall back, breathing deeply.  

“You looked like the heat and noise was getting to you.” Hux’s hand touched his flushed cheek, gently skimmed over his temple and carded through the wet hair stuck to the skin there, trying to fluff it up a bit.  

“I’m good,” he managed to crack a grin while his mind shouted,  _ I’m great, I’m fantastic, just keep touching me. _ He blew a gust of breath up his face to try and un-stick the hair plastered to his brow. “Maybe a bit hot,” he admitted. 

Hux pursed his lips in a little smirk and took a step back, giving Ben a deliberately slow once-over. His gaze slid appreciatively over Ben’s t-shirt that wasn’t loose to start with and now it clung to him without any semblance of decency, straining over his chest and arms. 

“More than a bit, I’d say,” Hux drawled. Ben felt what little blood remained in his brain shifting south. Damn this effect that Hux’s praise had on him, and damn Hux for knowing exactly what he was doing. 

Not for the first time, Ben regretted that there wasn’t a flat or even only a room he could take Hux to, no place just of his own where he could lay Hux down on soft pillows and take his time peeling those skin-tight jeans off him. The weight of the spare key from Pete’s place in his back pocket sobered him out of his daydream rather quickly. They’d better hurry, Hux had to be back in the barracks before midnight and Pete would make him do all the dishes if Ben woke him with a too late shower. Reluctantly, he forced his feet to cooperate and start towards the night bus stop.

“I wish I could sneak you inside the barracks,” Hux said as if reading Ben’s thoughts, falling into step next to him. His fingers brushed against Ben’s as they walked. 

“That would get you into trouble,” Ben laughed. It was a tantalising idea but Ben knew Hux. He was an exemplary cadet and kept a flawless record even as an officer. Trouble just wasn’t in his vocabulary.

“Hmmm? Think you can’t keep quiet?” Hux steered his steps just a little closer to Ben, their shoulders touching, and Ben felt the tips of his outstretched fingers pass just under the swell of his ass. He bit his lip and caught Hux’s hand before he’d embarrass himself with a loud whimper. 

“I wouldn’t want to,” he replied. There. He could see the bus stop sign at the next corner. He could make it without telling Hux how  _ crazy _ for him he was.  

“I wouldn’t want you to either,” Hux pulled his hand out of Ben’s grasp and wrapped his fingers around his wrist instead, his thumb drawing little circles on the sensitive skin there. “You know I like the way you say my name.”

Even that simple touch was making Ben’s blood sing, fingers itching with the need to bury them in coppery hair. The strands of it hung loosely into Hux’s eyes, freed from their usual confines by their earlier dancing, and it was making the blue-grey of Hux’s eyes shine a mischievous green in contrast, his smile relaxed and roguish. 

_ Because I like the way I feel when I say it, _ Ben thought to reply.

“Because I love you so much,” he said instead. 

_ Oh God no _ . He could imagine the horrified face he was making, reflected in Hux’s wide-open, stunned eyes. With heart-sinking certainty he knew that even if the pavement under his feet opened and swallowed him, the Earth herself would be so disappointed with him that she’d spit him out in Australia, probably. All that planning and waiting for the perfect moment…

There was a click - the sound of Hux’s teeth connecting as he snapped his mouth shut. Oh no, he fucked up, didn’t he? Hux wasn’t ready for  _ that _ yet, not at this stage, and possibly never - no, Ben couldn’t think of all the possibilities now, not without throwing up. His secret was out, there was no saving grace to it - he had to Solo his way out before it became too much of a mess. 

“Uh, so I was waiting for the perfect moment to tell you…” he passed a nervous hand through his hair, noticing with a little hope that Hux’s grip on his other hand had turned iron-tight instead of letting go - “and then I realised every moment with you is perfect.”  

“Ben Solo,” and Ben suddenly felt very small despite the two inches he had on Hux because Hux's eyes were that ferocious battle gray and he was backing him into the wall- 

“if you just quoted your father at me I'm going to-”

Hux left the threat unfinished as his mouth sealed over Ben's, swallowing the guilty admission that yes, in fact he did. 

But Hux couldn't be truly mad at him, Ben reasoned with that little part of his brain that survived frying in arousal followed by drowning in embarrassment, no he couldn't, if the way he kissed Ben as if he was trying to crawl inside him and make his home there was any indication. Ben’s knees swayed and he just gave himself over to the onslaught, heart fluttering with the bright hope that maybe, maybe he didn't fuck this up entirely. 

“Ben, I…” Hux pressed his forehead against his when he finally came up for air, cradling Ben's flushed face in both his hands. His breath was coming in short, hot puffs against Ben's lips, smelling of the whiskey he had at the bar, the caramel candy he so loved and even after the mentol cool Ben crunched on earlier. His palms burned, nervous and trembling. “You're…”

Someone wolf-whistled. They both jumped, belatedly remembering they were in the middle of a busy street, at not even half past eleven. 

“Ben…” The way Hux was breathing his name, so softly and with wonderment as if it was the most beautiful, most precious glass bauble on a Christmas tree, made away with the last shreds of doubt lingering at the bottom of Ben's heart. He didn't care if Hux wasn't going to say it back right now. It  _ was  _ too soon, still. 

“It's all right,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you. You make me so happy.”

Hux took a step back to make them look more decent, the little stubborn, determined frown back between his brows. 

“No, listen, I-” he took a deep breath. “This is new to me.” 

Ben nodded, squeezing his hand. He remembered well the night just a few weeks ago, when he admitted Hux was going to be his first and Hux in return confined that Ben was his first in many other ways. Intimacy. Trust. Affection. 

“And you're special,” Hux traced his fingers again along the crooked shape of Ben's jaw, his uneven cheek, that too big ear - as if he didn't mind the imperfections, loved them instead. 

“I think… I'll need a little more time to believe myself when I say it,” Hux finished, dropping his eyes as if ashamed. Ben nudged his forehead with his nose, little upward bumps that finally made Hux lift his face back up, laughter tugging at them both. Ben pecked at his lips a few times, chastely this time for the sake of scandalized onlookers, and then he wrapped his arms around him, grinning into the sky with happiness. 

Hux wasn't leaving. There was no “Ehm it's getting late,” neither a “Oh Benny boy I thought you knew this was just a thing between friends” nor even “Who the fuck whips out love after a couple of months, you're crazy.” Hux was just asking for more time. More time  _ with  _ Ben.

“It's fine, baby. We have all the time in the world.”

The night line bus for the Academy zoomed past them, clearly not going to slow down at the empty stop some hundred meters away. 

“Or, maybe, we have a little over twenty minutes left before I go AWOL,” Hux cackled and broke into run. 

 


	3. 2010 - Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Along every journey, there are bumps and glitches.

 

Ben shouldered open the large double wing door, winced at the horrible squeak of the hinges and mentally added another tally to the long list of necessary repairs of this old studio, the newly acquired home base of the Knights of Ren.

The old lady and a former ballet dancer who rented it out to them had no money to upkeep the place for at least two decades. The floor in the main room could do with a good scrub, the large mirrors lining one wall were in dire need of reframing and the showers would need new tiles but thankfully the roof didn't leak, the plumbing was sound and the rent was cheap. They could do this.

There was even a back room, a little office of sorts, with dusty window stuck in the frame with many layers of peeling paint and with a disconnected landline cable hanging from the wall. There Ben could roll out a mattress and get a decent night of sleep when all the sofas of his friends were unavailable.

In their excitement of finally having a place to train properly, the KOR spent every free moment at the studio, working on the renovation. But even so, their progress was slow. Apart from Ben and Pete, the younger ones were still busy with school and preparation for college, juggling jobs and family obligations on top of that, and Ben alone was taking every odd job he could get aside of his regular shifts at the fitness equipment store. But they agreed that in order to get this place clean and usable as soon as possible, they would take turns working here every night.

So Ben walked through the small hallway they hoped to transform one day into a reception area, put his bag with overnight things, phone charger and phone in one of the few functioning lockers in the changing room, and muttering to himself “oil for the hinges, oil for the hinges” so he wouldn't forget the item before he had a chance to write it down, he stepped into the studio…

… and nearly fell over Joey’s feet where he knelt on the floor, bent over a piece of board he was sawing down.

“Jesus, shit, buddy, you okay?”

Joey rolled over on his ass and rubbed at his kicked ankle with both hands.

“Eh, it's nothing. Look where you're walking next time, there's still a couple of loose nails in the corners,” he grumbled good-naturedly.

“Sorry, I wasn't expecting to find anyone here tonight,” Ben apologized and went to have a look at the indicated corner.

Joey frowned. “What? It's my turn today, did you think I'd skip?”

Ben paused.

“Your turn? Joey, yours were Fridays. You said it was the only day you could-”

“Yeah, and today's Friday, that's why I’m here.”

Ben turned slowly, fixing Joey with a pleading look, apprehension curling into a cold ball in the pit of his stomach.

“Joey… you mean, it's not Thursday?”

Joey laughed. “Definitely not, boss. Trust me on this - I get my paychecks on Friday, and tonight I'm loaded,” he patted his pocket.

Ben groaned. Now he remembered. Donna from the fitness store, asking him to swap his Thursday afternoon shift for Friday, for extra ten bucks to his usual salary, and him agreeing, stipulating only that he'd have to finish at seven pm sharp so he could shower and change and be on time in the restaurant Hux invited him to for their date…. Shit.

It was well past eight thirty now, and Ben was nowhere near clean, shaved and well dressed. The usual boredom at the fitness equipment store had lulled him into mindless routine and he walked out of there firmly believing it was Thursday.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he repeated and shot out of the door, ignoring the squeaking hinges and everything else. 

 

*

 

Joey had barely time to wonder at Ben's crazy behavior when he suddenly heard rattling and some tinny music playing from inside one of the lockers in the changing room. It must have been Ben's phone, he realised. Sighing, he got to his feet and went to search for the master key.

There were two missed calls when Joey finally opened the locker, and he frowned and nearly put it back on the shelf when he saw the caller's ID. Like the rest of the Knights, Joey didn't particularly like Hux, especially the star-eyed way Ben was about him. On the few occasions they met so far, Hux always seemed aloof and cold to the guys, and they all agreed that a stuck-up like that hardly deserved the adoration and commitment Ben was ready to give. But whatever it was, it was probably important, if Ben's earlier behavior was anything to go by, so reluctantly Joey called the number back.

“Is that Hux?... Yeah, no, I mean, yes, this is Ben's phone. He left it behind… yeah, he shot out of here about five minutes ago like all hell hounds were after him… Listen, I dunno, I think he thought it was Thursday for some reason… Oh? And how am I supposed to tell him that when he's not here… Right. Have a  _ nice  _ evening, Hux,” Joey spat the parting words and disconnected the call, but not before he said to himself, loud enough to be heard on the other end: “Geez, what an asshole.”

So, apparently with confusing his days, Ben forgot about a date, and their reservations at some fancy restaurant fell through. The Hux guy sounded over the phone like a particularly fussy accountant throwing a fit because his numbers didn't add up, and Joey honestly couldn't understand why Ben was so over the moon with him. He sighed again and went back to sawing the floor. 

 

*

 

Hux was livid. He wasn't just playing hard to get when he'd told Ben, back then in the park, that “Lieutenants didn't get much free time” and that he'd have to excel at time management to be able to set aside an evening every now and then. And he did excel - but his free evenings were still rare, and he had to push around a lot of things and even call in some favors to get tonight free, and the reservations into this highly sought-after restaurant.

And then Ben wasn't coming and Hux had to endure covert looks, half pitying and half smug with schadenfreude, from the people passing him in the restaurant foyer where he stood and waited, painfully alone and obviously stood-up. He could even recognize some of those bastards, mostly from his father's social circle, and those looks stung the most.

Then he had to politely relinquish his table when a waiter told him the reservation couldn't be kept any longer, a lucky couple just arrived from the street taking his hard-earned place.

He tried call Ben but to no avail, and when finally his phone buzzed with an incoming call, it was some other member of Ben's group - Joey, if Hux remembered correctly. He'd made an effort to learn all their names and as much as he could about them because he could see how much Ben cared about them, but damn were they making it hard.

So Ben forgot about their date. Forgot his phone too, for good measure. And somehow Hux was the asshole for being rightfully upset about it! Hux angrily pulled at the knot of his tie, loosening it from the tight fit around his neck, and waved down the first taxi passing him on the street.

By the time he got back to the barracks, his anger cooled off a bit and the hackles of his hurt pride smoothed back down enough for him to acknowledge he might have overreacted. He should have called Ben's number again, or text him, leaving a message that he couldn't wait at the restaurant when their reservation fell through. But there was little use of should-have-beens now, wasn't there?

Moreover, the lingering feeling of hurt wasn't so easily shaken off like those simple, primal ones before, and it bothered Hux on a level he wasn't ready to acknowledge. What if it wasn't just mixed up days, what if Ben no longer cared, what if he didn't care in the first place, not enough, not like Hux did… It would explain how Ben could simply forget about something Hux had put so much thought and effort in, wouldn't it?

Thinking in  _ what-ifs  _ was useless. He should make most of the circumstances, go to bed and catch some much missed sleep because tomorrow he'd have and early start. He'd have to make up for the work he postponed because of this.

So Hux turned off the sound on his phone - a routine in the shared dorm room he occupied in the barracks - and willed himself to sleep. 

 

*

 

In the early morning, Hux blearily navigated into the communal bathrooms on autopilot when a weak buzz from his pocket reminded him about the existence of his phone - and brought back the entire night before.

Cursing around the toothpaste foam in his mouth, he fished out the phone. The buzz had been a low battery warning - less than 15% now. And the little diode blinking with received voicemail told him why.

There'd been a lot of voicemails - starting by the time Ben likely realized he should go back and fetch his phone. The string ended around midnight when Ben finally understood that trying to call Hux would get him only again straight to voicemail. Brushing his teeth and combing his hair one-handed, Hux went through them in order as they came.

_ Hi Hux, it's me, Ben. I'm so sorry I forgot about today. My shifts got changed and I thought it was Thursday… God you must be so mad. Joey told me you were. I'm so sorry. Please call me back? I can get wherever you are now, we could grab a takeaway, anything. Um. Please. Call me. _

Hux's stomach gave a fierce growl and he realized that in his anger over the missed dinner, he forgot to eat anything else. Which meant that Ben likely did too.

_ Hux? It's me again. Guess you're really mad at me. Well that makes two of us, if I could kick my own ass right now I would. I am so sorry I blew this for you, I know how you were looking forward to something nice and classy and here I am, offering takeaway… I went to the restaurant - God it's a really fine one, isn't it? They gave me the stink eye for even trying to get a peek inside in my everyday clothes. I know, Joey told me the reservations were out but I somehow hoped you'd still be there… Okay, I'm an idiot, I know. Please, call me. _

Out of nowhere, Hux recalled an incident a couple of months ago. It was their fourth date and Hux forgot about it altogether until it was late, and then he raced across the city - and he still remembered his relief when he found Ben waiting, over an hour later than when he was supposed to arrive.

Ben waited for him, probably would have waited the whole night, ignoring the appreciative and flirty looks of other people who would gladly have made him company, and Hux had stormed away after only a half an hour, unable to withstand the mockery of rich and inconsequential strangers. Suddenly, Hux's earlier doubts about who was investing more into this relationship didn't look so straightforward and clear to him…

_ Hux… I wish you'd pick up… I am really sorry and I would like to make it up to you you, somehow, if you'd let me… I called the Renegados, they're open till two am tonight, they would make you those sweet corn bites you like… _

Hux felt a pang of shame at his yesterday's grief over the Knights’ perceived animosity towards him. They were wary - understandably so, Ben was the heart of their group and to some, he supplemented the family they wished they'd have - but they also looked out for him in their own way, like Manu and his non-spicy “special” that was inexplicably on the menu every time Ben took Hux out to the Renegados.

And Ben's voice in those messages… Hux listened to a couple more, increasingly desperate apologies and pleas for Hux to pick up, to call him back, and his heart sank when in the last message before midnight, Ben’s frustration at last took the better of him and he retreated into defensiveness.

He left a couple of short messages after that, each progressively angrier and more reproachful than the last.

_ Look I know I offended you and I really want to apologize but I can't do that just to your pre-recorded message on your voicemail. _

_ Well, so I forgot. I can explain. It's lame but you could still hear it out before you give me the kick. _

_ Hey, you forgot too once, remember? And I hated it but I thought I'd let you explain because I couldn't fucking believe that would be it. That you'd left me without a word. Guess I was wrong. _

Hux was almost afraid to hear out the last message. It came after a longer pause than the couple of previous ones and for a moment Hux thought that it would be the end, Ben telling him he couldn't go on like this and that it was over between them…

_ Hux?.... I just wanted to tell you… I'm really sorry. _

There was a long pause in which Ben wasn't hanging up but wasn't speaking either, and Hux could only imagine what was going inside Ben's head in that moment. With every passing second, Hux was more convinced that Ben  _ was  _ contemplating splitting up - he was just searching for the right words. Hux's own halting breath unconsciously matched the faint echo of Ben's exhales recorded in the message while his heart thudded painfully in the rhythm of  _ please, don't, please, don't. _

And then Ben spoke up at last, timid and reluctant - just as if he would say at the end of their date, if they had one:

_ Good night, Hux. _

In a second, Hux changed his plans for the day. If Ben wasn't giving up, he damn well wouldn't either. He put on his civvies instead of his uniform, walked down the dorm hall and stuck his head into one of the doorways.

“Hey, Cannady?”

“Hrrrmnnph,” was the reply from the bed. It was Lt. Cannady’s day off.

“Remember how never once in the five years you've known me did I take you up on your offer of fetching me a forged permit?”

“Hmmm?” The sound from the pillows was still drowsy but definitely interested now.

“Well, I need one. Now.”

Cannady sat up, blinking owlishly at Hux before his face split into a shit eating grin.

“Ooooh, the poster boy sinking down on the mortal level at last! You're going to owe me big one, Hux.”

He pulled out a thin box from under his mattress and sorted through it's contents for the right form and forged stamp. With a flourish, he imitated Col. Kaplan’s signature at the bottom of the page and handed it to Hux.

“There you go. And better start thinking on my reward.”

“Already know about one,” Hux gave him a sly smile. “You still wanna make Captain by the end of the year?”

Cannady’s eyes widened. “Bullshit, Hux. Even you can't pull that many strings.”

Hux carefully put the forged permit in his pocket and said: “Well, it's true I can't speed up the promotion chain, but I can at least tell General Sloane that her suspicions about you making a business out of fake permits are entirely false.”

He was out of the room and rounding the corner into another corridor when Cannady finally gathered his wits enough to shout after him “Hux, you son of a bitch!”

Passing through the day patrol on his way out was easier than he thought - Cannady was really damn good at this, almost shame that he had to stop. As he was reaching the street gate his heart skipped a beat when he thought he heard a familiar voice.

Arguing with the gatekeeper, apparently.

“Listen, ma’am, I know I can't go in, all I ask is for these to be given to Lieutenant Armitage Hux, why can't you do that?”

“ Lad , we're not a delivery service, this is a military compound-”

“I'll take it from here, thank you, Sergeant,” Hux interrupted smoothly, flashing his ID at the puffed up sergeant and turning to Ben with more confidence than he felt.

“Morning, Ben. Breakfast?”

Ben looked at him over a bouquet of wildflowers as if Hux was the last person he'd expected to see.

“Hux? What are you-”

_ Shut up, not here,  _ Hux mouthed the words at him and thankfully Ben caught up quickly, snapping his mouth shut and offering him the bouquet instead.

“Breakfast sounds lovely. Shall we?”

They made it barely out of earshot of the gate when Ben all but bubbled up with a curious whisper, as if he couldn't keep it in a second longer.

“I thought you were on duty on Saturday. Or did I get my days totally mixed up?”

“Hush,” Hux said calmly. “I got about two hours before someone notices I'm not where I'm supposed to be.”

“Hux…” Ben breathed out and in the next moment, Hux realized he was walking alone. Turning around, he found Ben frozen and looking at him with something akin to reverence.

“You're getting in trouble because of me.” There was a little reproach but mostly such happiness that Hux couldn't regret his slip from the rules at all.

“I decided it's worth the risk,” he took Ben's hand and pulled him along, walking briskly to a nearby breakfast café that he liked. If Ben spent the morning plucking flowers in the park from the look of them, he couldn't have much of a breakfast as well.

“I'm so sorry about yesterday,” Ben rushed out. “I messed up.”

“I’m sorry too,” Hux said, ignoring the surprised and protesting sound from Ben. “Really, I am. I wanted last night to be perfect - and only this morning I realized that… any night would have been perfect, as long as there'd be you.”

Ben stopped again. He looked about half a second from bursting into laughter.

“Did you just… quote my own father at me?”

“Loosely,” Hux admitted, fighting back a grin. “I'm not above learning from masters, you know.”

He stole a little kiss on Ben's cheek as he was holding the door open for him, and Ben stole another as he was pulling out the chair for Hux, and Hux thought that maybe, impromptu breakfasts could be better than carefully planned dinners.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. 2010 - Winter

It was one of those hectic days, and it confirmed Hux’s vague suspicion that he always made his best decisions when he had little to no time to think about them.

When the KOR recorded and sent an application video for the end-of-the year festival in Philly, they didn’t think they’d make the cut. The bigger was their surprise when three weeks later, an official invitation to be a part of the main competition program had landed in Ben’s inbox.

What followed, was in equal measures excitement and trepidation.

“We need a new number.”

“Several, I’d say. There’s a gala and we shouldn’t forget about an encore.”

“Getting ahead of ourselves, are we?”

“Shut up, Pete. I agree with Mike. The routine we did for the application needs some embellishment.”

Ben’s Friday date nights turned into evenings spent at the studio, working his guts out together with the rest of the guys until they got the routine down to every smallest detail. Hux usually sat on the stacks of folded up chairs at the back of the room, his work laptop balanced on his knees, typing away on whatever’s deadline was threatening that week and providing a comment whenever any of the guys asked for one.

“Yes, Pete, that lift looks good. From up front, as you can see in the mirror. From where I’m sitting, not so much.”

Manu volunteered to watch from Hux’s perspective during the next round and returned to the group doubled over with laughter.

“Hux’s right, guys, either we tweak this or we risk someone from backstage snapping a photo of Riz’s butt right in-”

“Okay, okay! We’re tweaking this.”

Hux should have minded this - having to share his time with Ben, their alone time reduced to occasional crumbs for nearly three weeks now. But strangely, he didn’t. His own choice of career wasn’t making him the pinnacle of availability, he knew this would last only for a couple of weeks, and he understood how important this was to Ben. Moreover, watching Ben in his element was enchanting.

And not only that. These hours filled Hux with odd sense of contentment. It was - domestic, almost - to sit in a relative quiet, the on and off rhythmic music easily tuned out, Ben's presence sometimes just a flicker at the edge of Hux's concentration on his work but still there whenever Hux looked up. The deadlines didn't weigh on him the way they usually did, as if lifting his eyes every so often to rest them on his boyfriend's beautiful body served to keep his mood anchored in a happier place. Ben was there, and Hux drew strength from it.

And if watching Ben stretch, bend and spin on the polished floor in that tight-fitting training outfit of his provided Hux with some inspiration for… later, he didn’t mind that at all.

One evening he was so caught up in his private enjoyment of watching Ben that he didn’t notice Riz until the man didn’t flop on the rack right next to him.

“It’s good to have you here, Hux,” Riz said without preamble. Hux’s eyebrows climbed up. The overall attitude of the Knights towards him still resembled a herd of deer close to an electric fence. They acknowledged him but nobody was too keen on getting closer.

“Ben’s much calmer when you’re here,” Riz explained. “Doesn’t get as easily worked up as he used to. And he’s less anxious, too. This number’s coming together more quickly than I’ve ever seen. It’s good for the group morale,” Riz finished with a somewhat awkward pat on Hux’s back and went back to his stretches.

Well, that was interesting. Hux looked back across the room. Ben looked up in that same moment, tossing his head to flip his hair away from his eyes, bottom lip caught between his teeth. Catching Hux’s gaze, his entire face lit up - it was like watching sun peek out from between the clouds - and then he ducked his head back to concentrate on his footwork.

_ Oh. _ Perhaps the drawing of strength went both ways.

November the first turned into November the thirty-first before Hux had a chance to wonder where the days went, and soon came the morning of stealing the last kiss on the pavement before Ben would jump into a packed-to-the-roof van, the rest of the KOR already banging at the windows from inside to get them to move.

“Will you find the hotel?” Ben asked, the festival venue flyer crumpled in his big, nervous hands.

Hux suppressed an eye roll.

“I  _ booked _ the hotel. Don't worry your pretty head and go win a goblet, or whatever.”

“Medal,” Ben grinned shakily. And then he folded himself into the van, with a mouthed  _ love you _ from behind the window and Hux nodded,  _ I know _ , arm up and waving until the car turned a corner and disappeared from view.

For the first time in weeks, Hux had all of Friday just for himself.

And he had plenty to do. Teaching until noon, then he'd planned an afternoon with Techie, student papers to review in the evening and more teaching until noon the next day, when he would hop into a car and drive to Philly to arrive just in time for the KOR’s final performance.

“Wow, Armie, you're working out? I’ve never seen you order this much food,” Techie said from behind his serving of roasted duck with rice noodles in the Asian restaurant Hux had taken him for dinner.

Confused, Hux looked down at his plate - and true enough; with his mind elsewhere, he’d loaded it with twice as much fried veggies and chicken curry that he could possibly eat. Except for now there was no starved out boyfriend just out of practice who would conveniently wolf down everything that Hux “didn't feel like eating anymore”...

And he didn’t even particularly like chicken curry, goddammit. He only liked it when he could pretend not to see Ben stealing it from his plate.

The rest of the evening went only downhill from there. His plans at doing so much work in this unexpected alone time quickly stumbled to a frustrated halt. He just couldn't focus - the Academy office was too quiet, too empty. He tried putting on music, the relaxing classical mix he used to prefer, but he had to switch it off after couple of minutes because it lacked the slow, bone-deep rhythm his heartbeat got attuned to.

Disgruntled and more tired than if he'd actually spent the night working, he decided to go to bed. But sleep wasn't coming. He still missed something.

He was just about to punch his pillow into a different shape for the fifth time when the screen of his phone on the bedside table lit up with an incoming call.

_ “Hey babe? Just passed the first evaluation round. The competition’s pretty tough, it's amazing. Just wanted to say goodnight before I pass out on my feet, I'aaaaaahhmmm…” _

Hux chuckled at the huge yawn humming from the other side and finished for Ben: “Knackered, hm?”

_ “Yeah. Miss you.” _

“Miss you too, Ben,” Hux said quietly, surprised how easily those words came to the tip of his tongue. As if they lingered there the whole evening, just waiting to be said.

_ “Good night, Hux.” _

“Good night,” whispered Hux and was asleep before he could hear the click of Ben hanging up. 

 

*

 

The next day had Hux on his tiptoes from the early morning and still it couldn't go fast enough. When he finally made it to the convention centre and elbowed, glared and intimidated his way to the backstage, it was only five minutes before the KOR’s number was due.

“My lucky ginger!”

Hux was swept off his feet and spinned around before Ben caught up on the giggles of the rest of the group over Hux’s affronted glare and put him back down. Hux dragged his eyes up from that scarf-wrapped waist, over broad and mostly bare chest and into Ben’s glittering eyes when all his prepared words died in his throat because-

“Is that eyeliner?”

“Oh, I forgot you never saw us on a ballet stage,” Ben grinned. “The spotlight tends to erase faces. Overdone makeup is a must.”

Hux looked around at the equally dolled-up faces of the KOR and shook his head in amusement. They looked like goth vampire party with a collective crush on Freddie Mercury.

“So that’s why you had it in your pocket… back when we first met,” he said.

“That’s right, General.”

Hux couldn’t help but laughing too, feeling so happy that he was almost afraid to ask himself why.

“Good luck, fighter,” he said fondly, gesturing to the presenter waving them forward on the stage, and went to find a seat.

 

*

 

“Second place! Silver medal!” Ben hiccuped once again just when Hux finally pushed him through the doorway to their hotel bedroom, a tiny flower-wallpapered cubicle whose nearly entire space was taken up by the bed. Which was a lucky arrangement, especially when Ben managed to trip over the carpet edge and face-plant directly into the conveniently right-there mattress.

“And a honorable mention of the jury, I know,” Hux repeated for what must have been a twentieth time. He stopped counting after Ben’s third glass of champagne when it became clear that Ben would need to tell everyone and their aunt before the reality would truly sink in for him. They knew this event could be the breaking or the making of the KOR. Now it seemed their star was finally on the rise.

Ben rolled over, sprawled across the bed, hair in a starburst halo around his head. He still had smudges of eyeliner around his eyes. He looked like a byronic character out of a pirate novel.

Hux pulled off Ben’s sneakers and tugged on his jeans. “Up with you. You gotta help me with these.”

Ben only lifted his hips in a half-assed attempt at cooperation. “Ouch, this thing is lumpy,” he wriggled on the mattress afterwards. “Almost beats the one I have at the studio, and I thought that was a torture device.”

Hux dipped into the miniature en-suite, brushed his teeth, made a quick work of his clothes and came back to Ben blinking sleepily up on him, still shifting and trying to find a comfortable position. He lifted obediently one arm and then the other, letting Hux help him out of his jacket. Hux decided the shirt would have been too much of a bother and crawled into the bed after Ben, pulling the too thin blanket over them both.

But despite the insufficient blanket, it looked like cold would be the least of Hux’s worries. Ben had immediately wrapped both arms and legs around him and tried to manhandle him so that Hux would be lying mostly on him - head in the crook of Ben's arm, that steadily rising and falling chest directly beneath Hux's heart, one leg thrown over Ben’s thighs.  

“Come here,” Ben mumbled. “More comfortable for you, this way. You’re gonna miss your own bed soon enough, trust me...”

“I don't think so,” Hux said, mostly to himself. There was nowhere else in the world where he'd rather be right now. He carded his fingers through Ben's hair, wrapping a single strand around his finger and using it to gently tug Ben's face towards him for one last kiss.

“Hmmm… G’night, Hux…”

Ben was practically asleep already. Hux listened to his evened out breathing and couldn't help but compare those two days - yesterday's orderly, step-by-step organized emptiness and today's chaotic, ridiculous whirlwind of nerves and excitement.

“I love you, Ben,” he said quietly into the hollow of Ben's throat. “Good night.”

 

*

 

Ben woke slowly, sleep clinging to him like a weighted blanket. The real one, a thin excuse of a cover provided by the hotel, got kicked down to his feet during the night but he was still warm - oh yes. Fingers carded through his hair, nails lightly scratched swirling patterns along his skin. Ben hummed and turned his head into the sensation, blinking his eyes open to the sight of Hux's blue and gray ones, the usual glinting sharpness of them softened by the early hour.

Hux smiled and kept playing with Ben's hair. Outside it was still dark, the room illuminated by the glow coming from the cracked-open bathroom door. Hux must have been awake for a while already, watching Ben and thinking about last night… what?

Ben was never more awake more quickly. He rolled them over, coming on top of Hux, caging his body between his elbows and knees, and buried his face in Hux's neck, breathing in the scent of his skin between kisses.

“Love,” he mouthed and nipped at the skin, and once he began, he just couldn’t shut up.

“Love, love, baby, my love,” he kept pouring out, sliding his hands up Hux’s sides and down the lovely freckled shoulders, chasing the flutter of his heart beneath those pronounced ribs, kissing down Hux’s chest, belly, hips, and back up, nuzzling his face into the warm, soft skin. Hux was so pliant under him, a feast spread out, melting into the affection, every response immediate and unguarded, and Ben drank it all up. At last, he came up from his assault to rest his chin in the dip of Hux’s breastbone, one arm wrapped securely around Hux’s back, gazing up and tracing the freckles at the edge of Hux’s jaw with his fingertips.

“I heard you, last night,” he grinned, feeling so full of bright joy that he thought he might burst. And then Hux smiled, just a little, shyly, but still so open and defenceless the way he never was under the harsh light of day, and just like so all the feeling inside Ben’s chest doubled and he still didn’t burst.

“I meant it,” Hux said, dropping his eyes for a moment, his hands momentarily leaving Ben’s hair to scratch lightly through the stubble on Ben’s cheeks.

Belatedly, Ben thought of the way he’d just rubbed his face all over Hux like a giant affectionate cat and winced when he imagined the burn his stubble must have left behind. Hux’s skin was paper-thin and so sensitive. When Ben shifted his palm, he could feel it heated and pink on the irritated spots…

“Hush,” Hux admonished him as if he could read his thoughts. He guided Ben’s head back down and arched his back a little, brushing his chest against Ben’s face with a soft sigh.

“You like this?” Ben always took care to come to their dates clean-shaven, cheeks almost squeaky smooth with perfection.

“Hmmm,” Hux confirmed. “Wouldn’t mind to wake up like this… ah… more often.”

Ben just couldn’t contain himself, he loved Hux so much. He shifted up and leaned down for a kiss he’d wanted since he fell asleep with exhaustion and spent the night dreaming about Hux’s soft, sweet, perfect lips-

-only to be met by a quick hand against his mouth and horrified eyes.

“Don’t you even think about kissing me until you’ve brushed your teeth!”

Ben laughed and rolled out of bed. And then, just because he wanted and could, he grabbed Hux’s still sleep-lazy body, languid and unprepared for the attack, pulled him out of bed and carried him, kicking and laughing, to the bathroom with him. 


	5. 2027 - Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the following little epilogue are set after the events of [New Beginnings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13827993/chapters/31802010) \- if you haven't read that one yet, then you only need to know that they've been together and married for quite a number of years by now and Hux is no longer in the Army.

Ben ran a hand back through his hair, more an old habit than a nervous gesture anymore. He was far from nervous tonight; in fact, he felt better than he had all week. Moving from their relatively medium sized town to big and lively city was both exciting and exhausting on its own. Add to it the lingering ache at leaving the KOR - beneficial as it was to his joints, Ben's heart begged to disagree - and it was no wonder he felt as if his roots were cut and he was being swept away with a wild river. After days of running around to meetings, a tedious but necessary part of getting his new studio set up, and those same days spent with a Hux-shaped void in his life while his husband spent most of his time settling in his new job at the institute, he was very ready for their date night.

They were going to try a new restaurant together, and more importantly, afterward they were going to go home together nice and early and just  _ be _ together for the first time all week. It didn’t quite count when one of them crawled into bed beside the other late at night and fell immediately asleep.

He checked his phone in an attempt to keep himself from fidgeting and frowned a little when he saw the time. It was 7:04. They were to meet at 7. Hux prided himself on being not just on time, but professionally early; 7:04 was more of a Ben time to show up. But Ben tried to reason that traffic could be unpredictable, and that Hux would be here any minute.

Nevermind that Hux would have called or texted if something was delaying him…

_ Stop that. _

Ben shot a quick text -  _ everything alright? _ \- then shoved his phone back in his pocket. It was fine. Hux was fine. He didn’t have a job where he did things like jumping out of planes anymore. He was just running late.

Somewhere around 7:20, after quite a bit of pacing and checking and re-checking his phone and two more texts, a more likely answer occurred to Ben like a smack in the forehead. It should have been obvious, from how even that very morning Hux was out the door in a flash and had only found a few moments during a brief lunch break to text Ben earlier that day. He probably had so much to finish he’d gotten caught up in it, and simply  _ forgotten _ .

Rather than the hurt or anger the thought once filled him with, years ago when he was a different man, he felt relief. Hux missing their date seemed a small thing when held up against all the terrible scenarios Ben’s mind concocted as he waited, fed by the very real memories of Ben's time spent at Hux's bedside after his accident. Watching your husband fighting their way back from the brink of death really put things into perspective. They were both busy and more importantly Hux was happy being busy again after long months of recovery from his back injury and subsequent job hunt after he'd been let out from the Army.

Ben gave it ten more minutes and, when Hux still didn’t show, he walked into the restaurant and up to the receptionist.

“Do you do orders to go?”

 

*

 

Hux was so immersed in what he was typing that he barely noticed the first few taps at his office window.  _ Probably a tree branch _ , he reasoned.

At the third  _ tap tap tap tap _ , he sat straight up, finally dragging his attention away from his laptop screen. It was then when he realized…there wasn’t a tree anywhere near his window.

Slowly and warily he turned his head to find a figure standing outside the window, half-silhouetted by the setting sun. The sight would have alarmed him had that particular form not been so dearly familiar.

He exhaled, letting the tension ease out now that he knew someone wasn't trying to break in. Well - someone  _ was _ , but this someone was at least smart enough to avoid setting off the alarm.

Hux stood, stretching out his stiff back and wincing. He probably shouldn't have sat there like that for quite so long but once he got on a roll, hours could pass without him even realizing it.

He walked over, unlocked the window and hoisted it open.

“Ben, wh- “

“Can you hold this?”

Before he could even see what he was meant to be holding, let alone answer, a plastic bag stuffed full of something hard and plastic was shoved through the open window and he grabbed it on instinct. Then he had to take a couple of steps back, as the next thing coming through the window was his six-foot-two muscular husband. He somehow managed it with grace, landing on his feet and shutting the window behind him with one hand while reaching up to push his messy hair out of his face with the other. He was flushed and grinning and Hux couldn't find even an ounce of irritation within himself to scold him.

Still, he managed a mildly severe look as he said: “You know the door is unlocked, right?”

Ben's grin widened. “What fun is that?” He swooped towards Hux, planting a kiss on his cheek before darting past him to remove the key card from the lock. “And now it's not.”

Hux watched him the way one might watch their cat behaving strangely - with equal parts amusement and concern. Then he turned his attention to the stuffed bag in his hands. It was warm, he noted, and smelled amazing. Take-out, he realized.

But why was it here? Why was  _ Ben _ here? Not that he minded either, but he felt like he was missing -

Oh.

Oh,  _ shit. _

“We had a date, didn't we.”

“We still have a date. It just changed location.” Ben shrugged off his light jacket and hung it up by the door. He seemed too buoyant, too unbothered, and it only made Hux’s guilt bloom faster.

Before he could say anything though, the phone on his desk rang. Hux carefully set down the food and answered before the second ring.

_ “Mr. Solo-Hux? Is everything alright?” _

It was Andy, one of the institute’s night guards. He sounded worried; he must have seen Ben's little stunt on the security cameras.

“Of course.” Hux gave Ben a stern look, to which Ben only shrugged and smiled. “My husband decided to drop by.”

_ “Through the window?” _

“That's right.”

On the other end, Andy let out a little relieved sigh.  _ “Please tell him to use the door next time.” _

“I will.”

The moment he hung up, Hux turned to Ben, unsure of where to start - with the apologies building in his throat or the scolding for giving poor Andy a scare. One look at Ben's face and he went with the first one.

“I'm so sorry,” he said, “there was so much to do and you know how I get once I'm knee-deep in something. Not that that's any excuse, I just - “

“‘Tidge.”

Ben walked over to stand in front of him, hands coming up as though pulled by magnets to find their perfect spot on Hux’s waist. There was something in his gaze that Hux couldn't place, but he didn't have a chance to try before Ben leaned in to kiss him soundly.

Hux hummed and threaded his fingers through Ben's long hair. He smelled like faded cologne and fresh cut grass from his walk across the campus grounds.

“I'm just glad nothing happened to you,” Ben admitted sheepishly the moment their lips parted.

Ah. That was the look on his face - thinly veiled worry.

“And I shouldn't have pushed for the date tonight,” Ben continued, “I knew you had a lot of work left.”

“I wanted it, too,” Hux insisted.

“I know,” Ben assured him. There was still something hesitant, subdued about him, and again he didn't give Hux a chance to question it before he was pulling him into his arms in a strong embrace.

Hux held him in return, sighing as he settled his chin on Ben's shoulder. Ben was tense in his arms, but as they stood there he began to relax, as though all he needed to ease the week’s load of trouble from his heart and mind was holding his husband.

Hux knew the feeling.

And he knew that Ben had been stressed over getting the new studio set up, and how he missed the Knights. He squeezed Ben a little tighter.  _ I'm right here. _

“...I still have things to finish,” Hux said after a moment, with no small amount of regret. Ben had come all this way to retrieve him and Hux couldn't even go back home with him yet. “Or I'll have to come in over the weekend.”

Ben looked from Hux to the food to the two armchairs across from Hux’s desk. Then he looked back at Hux, that questioning gaze that Hux could never keep himself from likening to a puppy asking for a treat.

“Could I stay?”

The thought of Ben going home alone seemed so wrong. Hux didn’t want him to leave. And Ben…Ben only wanted to be where Hux was, no matter what they were doing. Hux remembered a line from years ago, stolen by Ben from the Han Solo book of romance and later borrowed by Hux.

_ Any night would be perfect if it's with you. _

“Of course you can stay, sweetheart.” Hux kissed him again, just because he could.

“ _ If, _ ” Hux continued as he pulled back, putting a finger up to stop Ben's lips in their pursuit of his. “If you promise to take the door next time. That poor guard only started last week and already he thought he was going to have to deal with a break-in.”

Ben at least had the sense to look a  _ little _ admonished. Still, there was a gleam in his eye.

“After all these years I can finally say I got you in trouble.”

Hux tilted his head and threaded his fingers back into Ben's hair, closing his hand to give it a little tug, not enough to hurt but enough that it was impossible to miss.

“You're the one who's in trouble,” Hux said, voice low with promise.

Ben hummed so deep it was almost a purr, eyes fluttering shut, and it stirred something in Hux that he was very,  _ very _ regretful it was neither the time nor place for. He released Ben's hair and smoothed it down.

“First we’re going to eat this food before it gets cold. Then I'm going to finish my work. And then I'm taking you home.” He left it at that, for Ben's imagination to do with it what it would. Knowing Ben, it could be a lot. Hux felt a little thrill at the knowledge that even after so many years, a mere change of tone, a breath, a suggestive glance could be enough to elicit the desired reaction from his husband. It was a little dance of their own, one they would never get tired of.

But for now, they sat in the two low armchairs across on the other side of the desk, temporarily moving Hux’s laptop to use the desk as a table with newspaper as a tablecloth. They ate their lukewarm food out of plastic containers with plastic utensils; it was far from what they had planned, but perfect all the same.  Hux was content to sit and eat while Ben told him about his day, only chiming in occasionally to ask questions. He could tell that even just talking about what he needed to do for the studio helped Ben sort out his thoughts a little.

Soon enough, though, Hux knew he had to finish up his work or he’d be here all night or worse, have to come in on a Saturday and miss visiting Techie, Rey and the twins. 

“Alright,” he sighed, “you keep out of trouble. I'm going to get this done as quick as I can and then we can go home.”

While Ben cleaned up, Hux went to pull back his office chair, rubbing absently at his lower back and wishing he brought his heating pad.

There was a blur of movement and before he could sit down, Ben was in the chair, looking innocently up at him the way Millie did when she'd been caught scratching the furniture.

“Thought you might want a more comfortable seat?”

Hux’s desk chair was the most comfortable, ergonomic chair available, he had made sure of it seeing as he'd be spending long amounts of time in it.

“You mean a more distracting seat?” Even as he said it he was sitting down anyway, grateful for another perk of the chair - it was big, big enough for him to fit right in between Ben's thighs, a snug fit but not uncomfortable.

The moment he was settled, Ben wrapped his arms around him from behind and brushed a single kiss against his neck, slow and soft. “I'll behave,” he said softly into his skin.

Hux shuddered. “You're not off to a good start,” he muttered.

“Sorry,” Ben said with a smile, and then to Hux’s surprise he settled his cheek on Hux’s shoulder and simply remained cuddled up behind him, no more teasing kisses, not another word. Shaking his head, Hux relaxed against him, opened his laptop and got to work.

(He had to admit, only to himself, it was a pretty comfortable arrangement.)

With food in his belly and the promise of going home with Ben motivating him, he finished his remaining work in under an hour. Finally he hit send on the last email, shut down his laptop, and leaned back against Ben with a satisfied sigh.

“Glad that's done with. I like this job, but I'd also like to have my weekend free.”

There was no response.

“Ben?” Hux could feel the warmth of Ben's chest against his back, the weight of his head against his shoulder and his arms around his middle, the slow, even rise and fall of his breaths, but he didn't get as much as a hum of acknowledgement.

“ _ Ben _ . Are you listening to - oh.”

Hux twisted enough to see his husband's face, only to find his eyes closed, mouth slack, entire body drooping forward against Hux like some sort of giant sloth on a tree branch.

He'd fallen asleep. Right there in Hux's office chair.

Ben's breath was coming out in low rumbles, just short of snoring. The sound was so familiar Hux hadn't even noticed it; in fact, it may even have helped calm his racing mind enough for him to better focus on his work.

An overwhelming rush of fondness came over Hux as he sat there looking at his husband's sleeping face. Worry, too, that Ben was burning himself out trying to get the studio up and running, all by himself, too proud to ask Hux for help. But that was a discussion for another day. For now…

“Wake up, love,” Hux whispered. He turned in Ben's lap, slid a hand into Ben's hair and began scratching lightly at his scalp. Ben loved waking up to Hux touching him in some way - fingers carding through his hair or kisses at his neck or a thumb stroking his cheek. They hadn't woken up at the same time all week.

“Love,” Hux repeated, just a little louder. How easily the word came to him now, when once it had felt like a glass that would shatter if he wasn't careful with it. Now it was simply the truth, and they'd been through too much together for him to be sparse with it anymore.

Ben hummed a little and slowly his eyes opened. He looked up at Hux and a drowsy smile began to spread across his face before it was interrupted by a big yawn.

“Mmmm...morning, babe.”

“Darling...it's well past nine at night.” Laughter colored Hux’s words as he continued to pet Ben's hair. “Surely you remember fulfilling your dream of climbing in through my office window?”

Ben blinked slowly and looked around the room. “Oh. My. I fell asleep on our date. That’s a new low.” But his words held no real guilt, in fact, he sounded so content, happy even. He smiled back up at Hux and sighed out slowly, leaning forward to tuck his face against Hux's neck. “Did I ever tell you why I always wanted to sneak into your quarters?”

“To get me in trouble?”

Ben chuckled. “No, not really. The fallout would be too bad. No, it was…” he became serious, voice lowering. Hux looped his arms around Ben’s shoulders. “It was just, after our dates I...I hated seeing you go. I wanted to be able to go  _ with  _ you somewhere but I was effectively homeless, and you had a curfew and so few off-duty days, and we always had to end dates so early. You see - I liked taking it slow - but sometimes…I wanted to save up, enough to afford a rent somewhere, but then we got a chance at the studio and I just  _ couldn’t  _ let the guys down… and all the while, all I wanted was this.” He nuzzled into Hux's neck. “To wake up and see you there.”

For a moment, Hux's heart felt like it might burst. He thought sometimes about those early days, their rare nights together at Phasma’s house-sitting duty or at hotels in whichever town the KOR’s performances took them to, how it was never enough, how they fought for every moment together.  _ How it was worth it.  _ And now…

“Now we have a home to go back to,” Hux said softly, holding Ben to him with fierce resolve and fiercer love. “Even if we aren't always there together, it's ours. And besides…”

Hux paused, hesitating. He almost wanted to laugh, because what he was about to say sounded so much like something  _ Ben _ would say. But he couldn't stop himself, not with Ben in his arms so warm and sleepy and honest.

“Besides, when it comes down to it...you are what makes a place home to me. Anywhere is home if you're there.”

Ben pried his face from Hux’s neck and looked up at him, lips quirked up to one side and eyes sparkling with mischief. “You sound like me.”

“Believe me, I know,” Hux deadpanned, but he was smiling. “But I mean it.”

Ben's face softened. “Yeah. I feel the same.”

And Hux knew now more than ever that he meant it, because they were  _ here _ , after uprooting their familiar lives, trying to start again together. Nothing was familiar now except each other, and that was enough. That made it home.

Hux kissed his forehead. “That said, I'd much rather be on the couch or in bed. And by now Millie must think we've abandoned her.”

He slid carefully off of Ben's lap and tugged at his hands, pulling him to stand up. He gathered up his things while Ben stretched and yawned, then took hold of his hand once more.

“There was a key card in the lock. Where did you put it?”

Ben looked at the door as if he only now remembered he’d locked them both in. He patted all his pockets and frowned, eyes wandering between all the office’s visible flat surfaces and muttering something under his breath.

“Would you believe me...” he started hesitantly.

“It has to be in this room,” Hux laughed, feeling hilariously like a detective from a Christie novel. Except that Ben had never been to his office before, and the light was already low when he arrived, and the office was spacious and had so many shelves and cabinets just waiting for things to be misplaced… at this rate, they could spend hours searching before they would be finally able to go home.

And then Hux caught Ben giving a considering look to the window.

“No way.”

“It’s a very nice walk you know.”

“The night guard will have a heart attack.”

“You can call him first and warn him.”

“So you realize that in calling him, I might just as ask him to let us out?”

“Okay, we climb out and then you call him.”

“Ben… you’re  _ so _ in trouble.”

Ben was already sitting at the windowsill, catching the moonlight in his grin like some kind of a genie, Hux’s personal trouble-maker and wish-granter, all in one.

“I’m looking forward to the consequences,” and with that, he hopped out.

“So in trouble,” Hux muttered to himself, grinning, and then he followed his husband. 


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We called this chapter between ourselves "the steamy little epilogue".
> 
> Because.
> 
> (It's about as steamy as we're ever going to get in this series, with a few notable precedents :-))

Ben had called his falling asleep with Hux’s comfortable weight on his lap  _ a new low _ , passing it off as a joke and thinking nothing of it, but Hux knew that it was hardly a new and unexpected development, and it concerned him more than a mere joke would do.

Ben has been pushing himself to his limits lately. The change brought by their moving had him struggling to adapt, and struggling even more to not let anything show, for pride’s and Hux’s sake. It was true that once he’d led a nomadic life, following his parents on whatever whim took them, but that was before Rey was born. Since then, he’d spent most of his teenage and adult life in the same town, surrounded by his closely-knit group of friends, and now he missed it all terribly. Even his parents, though he’d never admit it out loud, exasperating and well-meaningly overbearing as they could be.

Rey and Techie living close helped a little, but only as much as busy parents of a particularly mischievous set of twins could. But it was Pete’s level-headed calm that Ben missed, and Mike’s bottomless enthusiasm, Riz and Manu’s in-jokes and even Joey’s short-tempered stubbornness. Hux still remembered the time when the KOR found the studio and threw all their time and resources into the renovation. They supported each other on the way, when one would stumble, the others pulled him along. Now, Ben was setting up a new place, and all on his own.

The inevitable result of all this was exhaustion - not only physical, but emotional as well. Hux knew this particular plight all too well. Ben mindlessly misplacing the key card from Hux’s office wasn’t just a fluke - it was a sign of bone-deep tiredness, of a hundred little but equally important decisions taken while pondering thousand more possibilities, hours and days of keeping a brave face for the sake of people around him - it was a silent whimper for help by someone who does their best to keep their head above water and still it isn’t enough.

One more decision making, and Ben might crumble. Well, Hux would have to make sure Ben didn’t have to  _ think _ tonight anymore. He’d just have to lie back and let himself feel safe, cared for, sure of  _ something _ for a change.

And truth to be told, Hux  _ loved  _ taking charge and being in control - always did. But the reasons changed. Before, it would be because like this, nobody could get too close to hurt him, nobody could truly see him and use it to their advantage. But with Ben… it was simply because Hux knew that Ben  _ loved _ being pinned down and taken care of. Ben loved the deliberate, predatory prowl with which would Hux step closer, backing him into a wall, gather his wrists in a gentle but secure hold and bring them up above his head… it showed in every shudder of his body, in the way his eyes turned liquid and black, dazed and hungry. Ben was big and strong, powerful and careful, and he loved feeling like he didn't have to be all that, just for a while.

It always made Hux feel like twice the man he was that Ben trusted him so much, that Hux could give him what he needed. He treated it like a privilege that didn't come automatically. Ben's moments of vulnerability and need to give up control came so rarely, and it always gave Hux a rush of pride and gratitude that he could be the one, exactly the one that Ben wanted.

Tonight was going to be a night like that. Hux was ready. And judging from the way Ben all but melted against Hux, exposing his tempting neck with an unspoken plea to be marked as soon as the door to their place closed behind them, Ben was ready too.

Hux wasted no time.

“So in trouble,” he murmured in a low voice once he lifted his mouth from Ben's throat. “Everyone will see that tomorrow. You won't be able to hide this one.” He breathed lightly over the mark he'd left, Ben's body trembling beneath his like a plucked string.

“Everyone will see how badly I want you,” Hux continued, shrugging off his jacket and noticing with a smirk how Ben's eyes roved over the slim cut of his shirt, and lower, over his hips and legs hugged by tailored pants that fit him better than his old uniform ever did. During the past week, Ben had often complimented Hux on how good he looked in his more colorful, more fashionable civilian outfits. But now it seemed that what Ben wanted most was to see Hux out of them.

Well, Hux wasn’t about to deny him.

“This is what you get for climbing through the window like a scoundrel,” he bit the mark again for good measure, just to hear the moan Ben let out at that, and started towards the bedroom.

Ben’s jacket fell to the ground somewhere in the hallway, his belt marked the successful crossing of the bedroom threshold. Then the back of Ben’s knees hit the edge of the mattress and he lifted his arms obediently for Hux to pull off his t-shirt - one of Hux’s favourites, softened by wear and obviously bought in times when Ben’s physique reflected irregular meals and too much stress. The fit over his now well-built chest muscles was positively criminal.

“And this is what you get for wearing this and distracting me at work,” Hux lifted the shirt up but just before Ben’s arms could shake free of it, he twisted the fabric around the wrists and effectively bound Ben’s hands above his head.

Ben fell backwards into the bed with the lightest tap of Hux's finger to the middle of his chest and a soft  _ “Yes...” _ on his lips. Hux immediately followed him, knees straddling Ben's thighs, arms braced on either side of Ben's chest, letting his appreciative gaze roam freely across the feast laid out for him. Ben stretched and arched, lifting his lower body and grinding their hips together, a show of pure strength and a hint of cocky grin at the sharp intake of breath Hux couldn't bite back in time.

Hux sat up on Ben's knees and trailed his palm along the expanse of Ben's stomach, feeling the definition of muscles under the layer of softness he loved to pepper with bite marks. His hand stopped on Ben's jeans button, fingers hooked under the waistband, and Ben was already lifting his hips for Hux to pull the jeans off him.

“And this,” Hux pushed him firmly back down, smirking at the whine of protest Ben let out almost involuntarily, “is what you get for making me break the rules of conduct in the institute on my first week in work.” He popped open the button, lowered the zipper, gave Ben a short and merciless rub through his underwear and laid himself back down on him, enjoying the naked and helpless arousal on Ben's face.

“You're  _ mine  _ tonight,” he whispered in Ben's ear, “and you're going to get exactly what you've been asking for.”

The unabashed possessiveness and the low teasing hint of threat in Hux's voice finally did the trick. The last of the nervous tension left Ben at once, his body going boneless and pliant under Hux's, his hips stopped trying to buck and get some friction.

“I’ll behave,” he whispered with a slow smile, eyes half-lidded with satisfaction. Hux kissed him, just a brief taste of Ben’s lips because once he’d stayed for too long, he wouldn’t have been able to stop.

“I’ll believe that when I see that,” Hux quipped and shifted lower, kissing, biting and licking a meandering way all over Ben’s chest and stomach, in patterns without any rhyme or reason. True to his word, Ben didn’t struggle, just taking all that attention like he took the mark, eagerly, gratefully. Hux knew Ben would be touching the mark throughout the next day, every time his thoughts would stray to Hux or threaten to jamble from stress, the little pain and the memory of pleasure a grounding sensation to soothe his mind. For a moment, Hux wondered if Ben would be amenable to getting another tattoo besides the KOR one he already had, a tiny but distinct word 'Knight' at the base of his spine. It would have to be well hidden - Ben still danced, and his outfits were still very revealing, but perhaps on the soft spot just below his hip bone that would be covered with his briefs and where Hux liked to rest his hand when they walked side by side…

“These,” he finally relented and lifted himself up to tug down Ben’s jeans and allow him to kick them off, “you’re in trouble for, too. Nobody should look so good, it’s distracting.”

Ben let out a soft sigh at the praise. It was another thing that he loved getting, and Hux loved giving it to him.

“And so considerate. It’s unfair. You knew exactly what to order me from that restaurant.”

Ben's underwear joined his discarded jeans and Hux tormented him a little more by ignoring his groin completely and instead wrapping his fingers around Ben's calves, rubbing up and down and feeling for the knots of soreness in the muscle, making Ben sigh again, this time with relief. Ben had spent the entire day running on his feet, and getting a badly timed cramp would ruin what Hux had in mind for him, later.

“Not to mention being such a perfect seat. I didn't know I needed something warm around my back until you came along.”

“And these are the things I'm in trouble for?” Ben asked breathlessly, a small smile on his lips.

“Hmmm?” Hux drawled, tapping at Ben's knees to let them part and settling between them. “Oh, I ran out of those a while ago. These are the things I love you for.”

Ben's laugh dissolved into a moan, loud enough that Hux pitied the neighbors.

“Now, love. Be  _ good  _ and keep your hands where I put them, and I promise you to sit in your lap again later.”

 

*

 

_ Later _ came and went and they were curled up together in the aftermath, Ben’s head tucked under Hux’s chin, his gradually slowing breaths puffing against Hux’s chest, his whole body heavy and warm and relaxed. Hux stroked gently up and down his broad back, savoring the pleasant drowsy feeling and the comfort of having his husband in his arms after a very long week.

He felt the brush of Ben’s long lashes against his neck as his eyes opened and blinked slowly. Hux was surprised he wasn’t out cold, given the week he’d had. One of Ben’s large hands settled on his ribs for a moment, just feeling Hux breathe, then sliding around to his back, fingers brushing briefly over the scars from his surgeries, before finally moving up to curl over his hip, thumb stroking over the soft skin of his stomach.

“What’s on your mind, darling?” Hux asked quietly. He was pretty sure he already knew, but he wanted to allow Ben the chance to talk about it, if he needed to. If he was ready.

Ben exhaled slowly, his breath tickling the skin of Hux’s neck. He pressed a lazy kiss to Hux’s collarbone. “‘Tidge...thank you.”

Hux paused in his motions over Ben’s skin, his hands settling firmly against Ben’s back. “You never have to thank me for this. You know that.”

“I know. But it’s everything to me, that you take care of me. That you...love me.” Ben’s voice was so quiet, the well-hidden vulnerability peeking through now that it was late and they were finally alone together. His eyes closed and he nuzzled further into Hux’s neck like it was the only safe place left in the world. It made a surge of protectiveness shoot like lightning through Hux and he tightened his grip on Ben, one leg coming up to hook over both of his as he curled around him.

“I do,” he replied. “ _ Very _ much.”

Hux waited for Ben to say more, but soon his breaths became deep and even and his hand on Hux’s hip loosened.

It suddenly reminded Hux of a night so many years ago, after a different long, hectic day, when Hux had gone from work to watch Ben’s competition before hauling him back to their hotel room to fall asleep together. There had been many hectic days in their years together, so why this one in particular came to Hux’s mind now he wasn’t sure.

Maybe it was that missing their date tonight reminded him of those first years when they both had their share of early-relationship misunderstandings. Sometimes it still amazed him how far they’d come, how far  _ he’d _ come from being afraid that each mistake would mean game over, and being surprised time and time again when Ben stayed.

Or maybe - probably - it was what Ben said.  _ That you love me. _ Because now that he thought about it...yes, that was the night he first told Ben he loved him. He didn’t even know if Ben heard him when he said it, but in the morning it became abundantly clear that he had.

So maybe...

“Everything’s going to be alright,” he whispered as he closed his eyes, on the off chance Ben was just barely awake enough to hear it. Maybe the reassurance would sneak its way into his dreams and remain with him when he woke.

And it was. He’d make sure of it. Because after all these years, one thing was always true: they would take care of each other.

 

**Author's Note:**

> For more Big Brothers AU look at [squire's ](https://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/)and [Frapandfurious' Tumblr :)](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com/)


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